Faulty Camera

This summer, like the last one except less exciting, consists of me working, sleeping, and drinking. Emphasis on working. Work is a mundane glob of bullshit. So as I always try to live by, let's skip the bullshit. There is one bittersweet thing about work, however, that is worth mentioning. Recently, my boss finally started to allow us to listen to music, so now doing bullshit sucks a lot less. That's the "sweet" part. The "bitter" part is that it leaves my mind with eight hours to roam freely. This is no bueno. I believe my brain is wired to try to put my life into a panoramic image. Every single fucking detail, every piece of emotion, every nook and corner, EVERYTHING. Obviously, this is crazy. At this point, we should all know that the mind sees what it wants to see.. You know, the image that our eyes captures actually has a huge chunk missing because of the blind spot in our eyeballs, but the brain colors it in. Ridiculous. Some people may call this "smart," but to me, this is proof of how faulty we are. Yes, I said it, our brain is a faulty camera. How do we really know the green that he sees is the green that I see? How come that kid in the birthday party is amused by Jerry the Clown, while the other kid is pissing himself in fetal position from the sight of him? Well let's delve deeper. Why is it that for three years I looked at my ex-boyfriend and saw the greatest thing that has probably happened to me, and now when I see him, my brain tells me to walk away?

There is a little bipolar syndrome in all of us. You know what I mean. They're the little battles that occur inside us, of what is right and wrong, what is cool or lame, or whether to give a fuck or not. For a long time, I used to wake up saying, "Hey, you're not smoking today, that shit is straight up cancer." An hour later, I'm chain smoking. The point I'm trying to get at is just to question how long can our brain trick us and how long will we allow it to do so. When does a dream lifestyle turn into a routine you settle into? When does something that used to make you happy, make you bored? 

A friend of mine said that it is all perspective. We can control our happiness based on how we choose to look at things. This is very powerful and indubitably true. But how long are we willing to gaze at one side of the cube until we peek at the other five sides?