"One day, and I know you'll be patient enough I'll explain, but for now.. I promise, you don't need someone like me to bring you down, cause that's all I'll ever do."


How could I have put my heart and soul into something and it cuts me loose just like that? I do a labor of love, just to help individuals who need it most to succeed and I'm just let go like a sandbag from an air balloon. My frustration does not come from the people that tell me I waste my time, you're too nice, you've become a dependence. My frustration is fueled by whether or not I should accept the fact that I'm merely a stepping stone, not blasting off on my own spaceship. I'm like a floating buoy in the ocean that guides lost ships in the churning ocean, but I'm anchored, while they take heed of my light and move on. People come to me all the time, from all walks of life, because there's a lack of individuals who are willing to understand. Like recently someone told me, "I'm sorry I pull you out all the time to vent, but you know what I'm trying to say. You and I both are the under-appreciated laborers who keep everything together. No one sees that." I've been growing a sense of apathy within me all my life because I recognize many situations to be something I'm all too familiar with. But the things, the people in my life are handpicked in a way that I place how much effort I put into them, which in effect, determines how they affect me. I know I have a philosophy that life is about compromise, and lots of times things will come down to just you. You can keep adding to the equation but it equals nada, at least nothing in your own hands that you can grasp. Things like these just lead me to more questions, leaning towards the answer that I may be right. I pray to see a greater meaning, not this, please, just not this.