"One day, and I know you'll be patient enough I'll explain, but for now.. I promise, you don't need someone like me to bring you down, cause that's all I'll ever do."


How could I have put my heart and soul into something and it cuts me loose just like that? I do a labor of love, just to help individuals who need it most to succeed and I'm just let go like a sandbag from an air balloon. My frustration does not come from the people that tell me I waste my time, you're too nice, you've become a dependence. My frustration is fueled by whether or not I should accept the fact that I'm merely a stepping stone, not blasting off on my own spaceship. I'm like a floating buoy in the ocean that guides lost ships in the churning ocean, but I'm anchored, while they take heed of my light and move on. People come to me all the time, from all walks of life, because there's a lack of individuals who are willing to understand. Like recently someone told me, "I'm sorry I pull you out all the time to vent, but you know what I'm trying to say. You and I both are the under-appreciated laborers who keep everything together. No one sees that." I've been growing a sense of apathy within me all my life because I recognize many situations to be something I'm all too familiar with. But the things, the people in my life are handpicked in a way that I place how much effort I put into them, which in effect, determines how they affect me. I know I have a philosophy that life is about compromise, and lots of times things will come down to just you. You can keep adding to the equation but it equals nada, at least nothing in your own hands that you can grasp. Things like these just lead me to more questions, leaning towards the answer that I may be right. I pray to see a greater meaning, not this, please, just not this.

"I did not inherit the fear of those in authority. In fact, my observation of people's condescension, use of authority, and misuse of power helped shape my politics at a young age. I identified with the underdog, was angry at the bully, fought against the misuse of power. But I did inherit their fear of taking risks, of doing anything big, of trying anything new. I have trouble with paper forms; I've never been able to write a grant proposal; I have no credit cards. I sometimes seek invisibility as a form of safety."

-Bernice Mennis

I'll be with you even though we're apart, but your road is yours to tread. And so it goes..

I've been listening to the same song for the past hour. Eventually I'll turn it off or skip to a new song, but for now it's just fine. Finding the perfect song to listen to at the right moment is having it complement the beating of your heart, the ticking of your mind. The flow of the rhyme mimics the voice of your soul, it says it more perfectly than you could have ever conveyed it. Finding the perfect song is like finding the perfect person. This person is just what you were craving for, and your bodies and souls are in sync. But eventually, the same song is on repeat long enough that both people's sync become individually out of touch with it. But that's just what comes with time. Now the two must find the rhythm again and it takes a bit of shuffling. People are like playlists on random that you can't modify. This isn't Pandora, you can't just dislike something and never see it again or like it so it keeps reappearing. Life is a lot about chance accompanied with correlation. I think people get so sad about relationships because they couldn't change the playlist they were listening to, but they really wanted to because the songs playing before were so incredible, so similar to their own. Sometimes you have to embrace the songs in the playlist you find unusual or offensive, it's just something to keep you sharp and on your toes. Maybe if you listen long enough you'll grow to like it, or not. Life is about compromise, not a pot of prizes to choose from. What matters is that you know that this is still the playlist that contains the songs you love, it's just a little far in the past or far in the future, or just in the middle, never to come back. In that case, you can always stop listening.

The lucky ones that by the fortunate chance of finding each other, hold on through the good songs and the bad songs and the weird songs. Each song that's left an impression in their mind, heart, and soul is a string that ties them together. Even when they get really out of sync or get distracted by other playlists, these strings, no matter the length, essentially keep them together. It's a choice whether to return to the other side of the tug or to just let it be hard proof that there are things out there that can flow with you in harmony.